Todd’s Blog

Dear Hollywood,

Avatar. Alice in Wonderland. More are coming. In 3d. Hollywood, you’re stupid.

Going to the movies is not like going to Disney World or a 3 minute ride on the latest roller coaster. I know you aspire to great heights for this, but please you need a reality check with what people want.

Viewers at the movie I went to last night were all saying the same thing to each other. We hate 3d. Viewers don’t want to come out of a movie feeling nauseated and suffering from eye strain. Your 3d movies are doing this to us. You suck. Its not cool. It is only compounded by the junk food. You know what happens when hard working Americans have to choose between two hours of nausea because of a movie or two hours of stomach pains for the three boxes of candy and ten pound bucket of popcorn washed down with an ICEE and coke.

Wouldn’t it be better to recognize a simple fact. You’re screens are flat surfaces. True, most screens have a slight curve on them. But none of them do a good job of making viewers jerk out of the way of an oncoming bullet.

We don’t believe in the illusion that things are actually spatially separated because of a pair of $2 magic movie glasses. It just makes it harder for viewers to focus on the entire image. It makes us say “god this movie would be interesting if I could actually watch what the crap is happening. Good thing for the audio.”

Oh god. I hope you don’t make us wear 3d headphones too.

But there has to be life out there

Ok so let me get you up to speed on this amazing little shit storm the Mac community has been watching. In very clear, almost un-legalese like language, the end user license agreement for Mac OS X states:

2. Permitted License Uses and Restrictions.
A. Single Use License. Subject to the terms and conditions of this License, unless you have purchased a Family Pack or Upgrade license for the Apple Software, you are granted a limited non-exclusive license to install, use and run one (1) copy of the Apple Software on a single Apple-branded computer at a time. You agree not to install, use or run the Apple Software on any non-Apple-branded computer, or to enable others to do so. This License does not allow the Apple Software to exist on more than one computer at a time, and you may not make the Apple Software available over a network where it could be used by multiple computers at the same time.

I’ve probably only read under 10 of these stupid things. Emphasis on stupid. But I do write a lot, and I generally organize my thoughts into a priority order so the reader get the most important bits first should they drop off half way through. That’s mostly because I know how much everyone loves to read my raving craptastic blog. Just apply that concept to any other document, one can assume its so important to Apple that its the first thing they dive into regarding their product and the terms of using it (I’m not counting the ‘General’ paragraph above this because its not relevant to this article). I mean this bullet isn’t that hard to understand. Don’t go putting OS X on non-Apple hardware, don’t enable people to do it either. You might even interpret it as don’t think about enabling people to think about enabling Mac OS X on last nights pizza box.

Do people do it anyway, and should they? Absolutely. One of my favorite cultural motives to be in the tech industry is constantly being on the path of discovery. Let the geeks tinker away!

Should they do it for profit? Only if the discovery is so unique in solving a problem that its possible someone else is already working on it. Psystar was not this. The very company they depended on to power the software their computers shipped with was the same ‘vendor’ that they anticipated a big legal battle with. Before they even were truly in business.

There are only a few groups in life I never ever want to hear from in a negative situation. Apple Legal is #2. My ex wife is #1.

Even better, should Psystar suggest they could exceed Apple’s own sales figures? Well how about suggesting you could do it in 1/25th the time Apple took to get to that point? I’m no venture capitalist, hell I can barely keep my account positive. But I do believe that if I were in a VC’s shoes I would have this interpretation…a pitch to sell Mac OS X preinstalled PC’s, challenge a pretty well established legal precedent, and then see financial projections presented as conservative that are so polar opposites of the expected figures they match Apple’s own sales. In their aggressive growth model, Psystar suggested even more radical numbers. Well I would have to laugh and say I can’t wait to read about it in the news. Then today I would read about it here, sip another from my coffee mug, and smile.

Under its conservative projections, Psystar told investors it would sell 70,000 computers in 2009, 470,000 systems in 2010 and 1.45 million machines in 2011. The firm’s aggressive growth model, however, put those numbers at 130,000, 1.87 million and 12 million during 2009, 2010 and 2011, respectively.

By comparison, Apple sold 10.4 million Macs during its 2009 fiscal year, the 12-month span that ended Sept. 30, 2009.

The first rule I know about VC’s is that whatever it is your business idea is, it better have something people can believe is the right thing to do and if necessary challenge the status quo. I’m sure the people behind Psystar’s funding saw this legal challenge coming. If I could’ve been a fly on the wall during that presentation, I would’ve loved to see the guy or girl that walked out when they saw growth from 70k to 470k units year over year, in a conservative model. I know of very few business owners able to handle that amount of growth when they have a physical product, attached with technical support, warranties, etc. I don’t care how much money you can throw at it, scaling a business that way is a recipe for failure. Certainly anything is possible. Its almost like these guys just pulled Apple’s SEC filings and then shaved it down for their own. Were they so ambitiously involved in this that they believed they could outsell Apple in its own market? In less than three years?

I guess all in all I’m fascinated with this story, like many Mac bloggers, at the fact they even got 768 units out the door. It seemed doomed right from their press release. The more that comes out of the court case Apple has built on them the more its clear just what a classic business failure this is. Maybe if the economy was just super awesome they could’ve pushed passed 770, but the truth is they didn’t even know how to do accounting correctly.

I’ve got some snipe oil to sell for my next big idea.

Indeed.

I know my neighborhood is renowned for crime and vagrants, and the longer I’m there the longer I have to study this quite interesting crowd of people. I mean, if the shit hit the fan and I was in their shoes, the first thing I would ask myself is why stay in San Francisco? Its pretty amazing but this city actually has an economy built around this. The homeless have their own newspaper, called Street Sheet. For twenty years.

Regardless of the good work being done to get deserving individuals back into housing, there is nowhere to take a leak in the city without having to buy something. Really, it’s the homeless’ fault for this as well. I know, everyone needs to have some basic hygiene time and if you homeless the only place to go is a public bathroom. Which there are none of because of the disaster that ensues for everyone else afterward.

This makes me more aware of what not to do while outside. People just piss wherever they might find some modesty. Sometimes they don’t even bother being modest. So its important to never lean up against anything outside. Most buildings are a hundred years old, I’m certain they have all been pissed on by now. Its also important not to sit down unless you are inside where other people are sitting down in the same model chair as you.

This morning as I walked down Market Street, I couldn’t help but notice that the trash can fleecing was just going out of control. In my mile or so walk to the office, I think I only saw one trash can that someone wasn’t in. I think it was empty, I didn’t want to stick my hand in it to check. The people that tend to wear long gloves are usually asian, don’t ask me why I always see old asian ladies picking out trash. I’m just glad they don’t have them in Chinatown or else walking through there would be incredibly difficult with five or six asian ladies standing around a freshly filled trash can. If it isn’t homeless people with their face in the trash then you can bet it is an asian. Sounds pretty stereotypical but I honestly have no connection or understanding of why this happens. Its just fucking weird.

The last trash can I passed I couldn’t help but notice the shopping cart filled with trash, with blankets on top, and only blocking the view from Market. A man about 6′2″ and unshaven for months stood on the other side of the trash can, facing his shopping cart. I noticed his hands move to his hips, and from that moment on I will forever be tortured. Frankly, I never want to see any other man’s penis ever, let alone one that is really fucking filthy pissing into a trash can.

Every once in a while one finds their stomach rejects calls to nourish with foods generally accepted as healthy. When this happens there is only one thing to do. Give in.

Saturday I discovered Union Street and found a group of awesome little restaurants. Someone in the group I was hanging out with suggested Barney’s for burger’s and brews.

Easily the best burger I’ve ever had. Thick, lean cut, and cooked perfect. Like when you get a little bit of that smokey flavor and then the applewood bacon comes in. If I keep this up I’ll have to, nevermind… I’m going back right now.

So I posted on craigslist for a maid, fully expecting email after email from people interested into getting paid for cleaning my dirty ass cave. One person, whom I’m thankful for has come into my life and blessed me with correcting my political alignment. A true master of concern for the human condition. Some call them pussies, but I shun them and say this guy is just what the world needed.

Here is the ad:

I moved up a few months ago for a new job. I need a maid to come help me today to do two things I cant’t find time for.

1) clean my 1br apartment of 600 sq feet. I’m not that messy, I’m barely here. It’s just bad right now.
2) run my linen and clothes to the laundry. I can pick them up in the evening.

This is a once a month gig. Please email me your offer with three references.

Thanks!

• Compensation: Please offer your price
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

On Thu, Jun 25, 2009 at 9:58 AM, <@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY — AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid:  wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info:  http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

You might find good people if you change your request from maid to asking for personal assistance, household or domestic services. The term maid is just not used anymore and has a negative connotation, as does the word servant. Some people actually use that too. Good Luck.

Tiring of handling my job and responding to an overwhelming well qualified people, I needed a break to deal with this message above. My reply to him/her:

I dont give a fuck. I need a maid so I asked for one. Sensitive?

To which he replied:

I was only trying to be nice and help you. I thought you might be an elderly gentleman who was used to using that term and maybe didn’t understand that it had been changed for the sake of the sensitive nature of this kind of home assitance.  It’s Toadkickers and Assholes like you that caused the change in the first place. So much for thinking you might actually appreciate the advice and take a mature attitude in receiving it.

What else can I say. I guess old people are the only ones who get maids? Cleaning a house has some sensitive things, I don’t doubt that at all. But basically this person feels that the term maid is offensive, even though thousands of businesses have it in their name. The major phone book publications have this category in them (I used to do some database dumps and cleanups for the publishers to flow the data into the layout).

If I’m an asshole for inciting change then thanks for the compliment!